A Tree in the Wind

I remember asking God, if “all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose”, and then what was the “Good” that came out of my abuse? Why did I, or any other little girl, suffer at the hands of the men they trust? What good is that? ..
I pondered this as I was preparing to give my testimony for the first time in a large public setting. It was to a women’s ministry group of 100 or more. There would be women there from the Sunday school class my husband and I attended. Did I really want them to know my dark secrets? Would they treat me different? God had already healed many of my wounds through counseling and group work in Graduate School. Why did I need to tell anyone here, so far away from home and my family?
But I know God had His reasons. A woman I had met at a Women’s Aglow meeting and who I had studied TD Jakes’ Woman, Thou Art Loosed with was in charge of arranging for people to share their testimonies. She had asked me.
I prayed and asked God for the words to express my story in a way that would show the triumph I felt. I did not want to elicit pity or shame. I knew there were other women that would be at this meeting who needed to deal with their own abuse, but not just to stir up old wounds or put blame. I needed them to know that there is joy in the journey and healing for the ache inside.
One evening, as I was reading a gardening article the Holy Spirit began to speak to me. The article advised what to look for if you buy a sapling from a nursery. The tree expert recommended that you buy a tree that is still firmly planted where it has been nurtured. I thought a potted tree would be more convenient. But he said that you need to observe that the tree had been allowed to stand alone in the weather, not protected by wind breaks or in a clump of trees. This would assure that the sapling, swayed by the wind had developed deep roots and a sturdy elastic trunk. These things were important because, in the yard where it was to be planted it would have to withstand these things and not be brittle and break off or be uprooted easily.
“A sapling that is allowed to be buffeted by the winds of adversity while young would be strong and able to handle many future storms.”
There was my answer. I had always felt that God had a call on my life. And the storms followed me to College, Graduate School and into counseling where I took with me, kicking and screaming, my family. My sister and her husband, my mom and dad and hopefully someday my brothers will find the path of healing God has let me down. But most people don’t always face their demons willingly, not until the feel they have no other choice. I have always had the strength and courage to face the hard things, in myself and others. I believe “the winds of adversity while young” is what gave me this strength. He knew I’d need it. It didn’t mean He wanted it to happen, or that He didn’t cry over my pain. I believe He did allow it to perfect into the person He has called me to be, bold, loud, stubborn and strong.